Burn out is real

In 2024 I did so many things in music that I never thought I'd ever do. I wrote brand new songs not only for an EP, but I also co-directed/produced and edited a whole music video. Co-designed and organised the set, made it from scratch in my lounge room. Took over the dining table. We recorded these songs in Geelong, Melbourne and I also did a vocal session in Italy.

I performed my songs in Europe for the first time. In Italy. At a renowned festival. With my Italian host sister from high school. I practiced my set in Italian with my friend's dad in his perfect Florentine accent so I could confidently interact with the audience. It was a dream come true.

Upon my return I flew to Brisbane and went to Bigsound festival. They actually forgot to tell me they didn't select me for the showcase, so the whole time I thought I had been selected, so was panicking slightly because I was still overseas. I had to email them to ask. Now that was a bummer with 'oh sorry we didn't send you a rejection email sooner"....

We then toured Victoria for a few shows and all the while I was back working full time in my grown up job.

I got sick. Really sick. I could feel my whole body crumbling in on itself. I felt like my band was Amy Winehouse management and said the show must go on. I didn't even tell the audience I was sick. How could I? You can't let people down. Or so I thought.

I haven't released music since November 2024.

Why?

Because I burnt the candle at both ends. For the longest time. Because I have a billion ideas and I think; I can do it all. You can for a while. You really can. You can do the things that you have on your bucket list.

You can have a song on rotation in your hometown on commercial radio. Something I dreamed of for years in the 2000s. When you heard Eskimo Joe every day home on the school bus. That was now my music on the radio. Text messages saying 'they're playing you again!" People at work actually taking notice of you when they once wouldn't have bothered striking a conversation. Having this recognition is something I think has come with persistance. My songwriting 10 years ago wasn't at this level yet. It's a shame the industry has changed so much though, and that commerical radio placement alone isn't really enough anymore. But is is an achievement and it is one I am super grateful for, as I know are other artists in the region.

I wish I had a manager to help me manage the every day task. I wish I had a 'team'. That's the thing, I do have a team now. I've never before had the most amount of talented friends in my circles. Photographers. Talented musicians. Cinematographers. I know them all. What I don't know is how to do everything and not get burnt out. So I stopped. I really stopped dead in my tracks. The sad part is nobody really notices, nobody reaches out. They never will. Because it is ALL up to you. That is the hardest part about it. So everything you see on my web page has been a labour of love, made by real human beings. I am proud of that. Those works of art are going to live on much longer than me. I love capturing the time capsules which are songs.

I can safely say I am recovered now from my burn out, creatively. I am ready to bring thee new music. I wish the arts in Australia had a living wage, then we all wouldn't need 28 other jobs to fund these projects. The average Aussie artist is earning about 14k a year, and I would say that is scarily accurate. The amount of my own money spent on BELLA DEER in 2024-2025 would make your eyes water. Was it worth it? Definitely not every cent, but what else would I be doing?